finals week

so it's finally here. the week most student dread and crave at the same time. but here i am not really worried about school. all i can really think about is what the future will hold. so many things are changing. i'm having to start saying good-byes to all the people who are departing campus before me. it's really hard. i feel like i've connected with so many people this semester, and i'm truly going to miss all of them.

on another note...plans have once again changed with my mission year. but i am not discouraged. i know God has a plan, and i am going to follow that plan until the end. so pohnpei is out of the picture and now the island of chuuk is up in the air. so we'll see. i just hope to have this figured out soon.

with all these changes in my life i can't help but wonder what will happen with certain situations. it's my nature to wonder. i'm having paranoia issues...and i know they're stupid. i just need to focus on what's in front of me and what i have now. cause those things are concrete and trusting those things is probably for the best.

last day

today's my last day of real school. it's so crazy to me, thinking back. so much has happened and changed. it feels like yesterday, that i arrived here, scared and questioning my choice in transferring to andrews. but now that it done and over, i am one hundred percent confident that i made the right choice. my life needed to change, so i made a change. so now that i look towards the future, i can only hope that i continue to change and evolve into the person Christ wants me to be.

i will always savor this year and all the memories (good and bad) forever and always.

let your love be strong

In this world of news, I've found nothing new
I've found nothing pure
Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume that truth
Could be fact and form
That love could be a verb
Maybe I'm just a little misinformed

As the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh
Let the trains watch over the tides and the mist
Spinning circles in our skies tonight
Let the trucks roll in from Los Angeles
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired

Let your love be strong, and I don't care what goes down
Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes
All of my world hanging on your love

Let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin
Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart
Train the monkeys on my back to fight
Let it start tonight
When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground
Falling down like broken satellites

All of my world resting on your love



i found these lyrics to Switchfoot's song "let your love be strong" beautiful. i hope and pray that the beauty in this world will never be broken down. and that the love that surrounds us will always stay strong.

broken: so many pieces

i'm having a really tough time just thinking about putting the pieces back together. it's long over due. but i just don't know how. i don't know how to be a sister. i've never had that relationship, although i've had one for sixteen years now. it's just so complicated and this whole time i've tried to ignore it. i thought, just maybe it would fix itself, but who am i kidding. she's headed down the wrong path, and here i am counting my blessing that i'm not around to watch that. that's horrible of me. it kills me inside to see this. i honestly don't know what would fix this...no clue.

having the time of my life...

that's my goal for this next year. kind of like a late new years resolution. i truly want to experience all that i can. my days here a andrews are quickly slipping by, and it's scary to think, that this time in my life will never be again. but that scariness doesn't come close to the experiences that lay ahead of me. i have so much to look forward to. only one person knows what that future is:God. and i have chosen to follow His lead, and not rely on my own understanding. He knows best, and I need to continue to remember that. He's my one and only. the only constant in life. He's wonderful.

officially booked

may 25. that's the date pending my departure from life here. it's crazy how fast this year went by. i'm really going to miss this place.

waves of memories.

tonight i enjoyed by last fusion vespers for a long time. as i stood there, surrounded by most all of andrews, and surrounded by people i truly care about, i felt a moment of sadness. just knowing that, that moment would probably never be again. it makes me think about some clouds i saw today. they were formed like waves in the sky. it's kind of like my life; a wave merely and continually crashing down, moving constantly; always changing.

i have to realize that it's just not at fusion that i will realize these priceless moments, they are all around me, all the time.

today was just a great day. a spontaneous and random day...but those are always the best ones. i had the chance to visit my friend's farm. which coming from la to michigan was one thing, but being on a real farm was a whole other dimension, so to speak. but very cool! i kind of envy her life, so simple. we all had such a great time tracing through her acre upon acre of land on four wheelers. it was a blast. another day to add to my wonderful memories.

experiencing all these things, feeling all these feelings. are making me realize another thing, it's going to be really hard to say good-bye to it all, come at the end of may.

letting go.

it's never been in my control. i don't know what i was thinking, trying to control things that are bigger than me. so i'm letting go. it's up to God. just as it should have been from the beginning...

realization: big time

i've been aware. i have no excuses. i've just been ignoring the facts. i can't do this alone. i'm at the low point of this roller coaster and i want to be back up at the top with God. i desperately need Him, I promised this wouldn't happen again. but here i am realizing that it has.

?

what do i do when it feels like everything in my life is in not in my control? i'm losing grip.

the end is approaching

it feels like yesterday i arrived here at this place, not only in physical way, but at a point in my life. i found so many things here, part of myself has become part of this place. the memories of joy, tears, and laughter will never leave me or this place. their sounds echoing through and through.

now that the end is approaching, i can't help but feel a sadness that it went by so fast. now that i look ahead of me, i'm not sure what i see.