the end is so near...

only two more weeks to go, and then i'll be back on the west coast. i have so many mixed feelings about this. i want to stay, but at the same time i'm looking forward to spending time w/ my friends back home. i feel that i have to much to do before thailand, so many people to see and spend time with. it's going to one full summer, actually more like a full 1 1/2 months. it's going to be so hard to say good bye to everyone, probably one of the hardest good byes i ever had to do.

things realized

i don't understand sometimes this thing called life. sunday made me realized how hard good bye is going to be. not just to certain people but this place. the time i spent here, the memories i made will never be the same. but the good news i have the future to look forward to. i just need to be strong. i hope i can do this.

thailand?

perhaps. that may be where am headed next august. pohnpei, micronesia didn't end up happening. but for some odd reason i'm okay with it. i honestly feel that God is closing and opening doors constantly in my life. and if micronesia wasn't in His plans, then so be it. i'm ready for whatever He has in mind. either way, no matter where i go He'll be there and that's all that matters.

finals week

so it's finally here. the week most student dread and crave at the same time. but here i am not really worried about school. all i can really think about is what the future will hold. so many things are changing. i'm having to start saying good-byes to all the people who are departing campus before me. it's really hard. i feel like i've connected with so many people this semester, and i'm truly going to miss all of them.

on another note...plans have once again changed with my mission year. but i am not discouraged. i know God has a plan, and i am going to follow that plan until the end. so pohnpei is out of the picture and now the island of chuuk is up in the air. so we'll see. i just hope to have this figured out soon.

with all these changes in my life i can't help but wonder what will happen with certain situations. it's my nature to wonder. i'm having paranoia issues...and i know they're stupid. i just need to focus on what's in front of me and what i have now. cause those things are concrete and trusting those things is probably for the best.

last day

today's my last day of real school. it's so crazy to me, thinking back. so much has happened and changed. it feels like yesterday, that i arrived here, scared and questioning my choice in transferring to andrews. but now that it done and over, i am one hundred percent confident that i made the right choice. my life needed to change, so i made a change. so now that i look towards the future, i can only hope that i continue to change and evolve into the person Christ wants me to be.

i will always savor this year and all the memories (good and bad) forever and always.

let your love be strong

In this world of news, I've found nothing new
I've found nothing pure
Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume that truth
Could be fact and form
That love could be a verb
Maybe I'm just a little misinformed

As the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh
Let the trains watch over the tides and the mist
Spinning circles in our skies tonight
Let the trucks roll in from Los Angeles
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired

Let your love be strong, and I don't care what goes down
Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes
All of my world hanging on your love

Let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin
Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart
Train the monkeys on my back to fight
Let it start tonight
When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground
Falling down like broken satellites

All of my world resting on your love



i found these lyrics to Switchfoot's song "let your love be strong" beautiful. i hope and pray that the beauty in this world will never be broken down. and that the love that surrounds us will always stay strong.

broken: so many pieces

i'm having a really tough time just thinking about putting the pieces back together. it's long over due. but i just don't know how. i don't know how to be a sister. i've never had that relationship, although i've had one for sixteen years now. it's just so complicated and this whole time i've tried to ignore it. i thought, just maybe it would fix itself, but who am i kidding. she's headed down the wrong path, and here i am counting my blessing that i'm not around to watch that. that's horrible of me. it kills me inside to see this. i honestly don't know what would fix this...no clue.